Kiss With A Fist
by barefootbean
Summary: Raven and Rita. And their relationship was a little something like this.


**(A/N): _Hello, everyone! This is a small collection of snarky little interactions between Raven and Rita, most of them wholly violent and several/zero parts romantic. Wholly violent in the sense of Raven getting his butt kicked in some shape or form and romantic in the sense of Raven enduring said countless beatings [if that could be called romantic, if not idiocy, in his case. ;]. Some are just dialogue, and some have detail. It's a mixed canvas, for sure. I haven't played ToV in a while so... apologies if my characterization is off a bit. I hope you readers enjoy this nonetheless, however!_**

* * *

><p>"...Rita. Darlin'. You look absolutely <em>gorgeous <em>in that apron_._"

"...Shut it, Old Man. I'm cooking here. You want your tender loins well-done, rare, or flame broiled?"

"I want it ta be hot. Hot, hot, HOT!"

"Fine, then."

"...Why would ya even have ta ask? Ya know how I like it cooked–"

"Burnt to a crisp. Right._ Cosmic Flare!_"

"_You're smokin' hot!_"

.  
>0o0o0<br>.

"Rita. You need ta learn ta _relax._ You won't be very pretty when ya start sproutin' gray hairs, now on me, dear."

"I'll relax when you're _not distracting me from my work!_"

"Aw ...You're breaking my heart."

"I'm going to break more than just that."

She gritted her teeth, fingertips pressed to her temple as she tried to focus on the scriptures in front of her. The air stunk of countless documents of old, damp with mildew and molds that unfortunately had ruined infinite amounts or research that the mages of Aspio had acquired over the years. She was shifting through them, hoping to save what she could and rewrite the rest when an opportunity presented itself, but currently... it was far easier just to read and take notes then rewrite what was already known of the blastia.

There would be no point in keeping documents that were no longer useful to a dead science.

A chair creaked momentarily, breaking her concentration, and irritatingly she reached for a pen and chucked it over her shoulder blindly at the noise.

It was greatly satisfying when she heard a thunk, but terribly grating when she heard her companion shift closer to her as a result. Why did he even have to be in the room? Couldn't he have gone with Yuri to the local pub for the evening, too?

"You know... You're truly a scary woman, darlin'. Terrifying. You could have cost me, oh, I don't know..._ my eye_!" The pen beaned her in the shoulder, and she was instantly ready to kill.

"Agh! I can't take it anymore!" Rita leaped from her seat, hair in her eyes as the piles of books enclosed around her blew into whirls of loose pages in the air of the inn as her temper bolied over. "Shut up and go away, or, _or do something else... just please, shut up and let me work! For once!_"

She glowered down at him, hands drawn back in such a way that casting a spell would have been the same as breathing if she so desired—and in that moment, it wouldn't have just been him that would've burned as the papers fluttered about the room like silver maple leaves.

Raven sat in speechlessness for a moment, his legs crossed and an eye crooked as he stared up at her from his twirly topped chair, mouth wide. Several papers flew pointedly into his face, but he didn't so much as brush them away, or so much as blink.

_You're an idiot_, she thought dryly. _An absolute moron, by strict definition!_

"Rita... did ya... did ya just say _please _to _me?_" He swallowed, and her hand snapped back in the same second at his mistake.

_You're never going to learn, Old Man._

"Like Hell, I did. _Fireball!_" Raven immediately scrambled for cover in the room, sending more papers and documents up in his wake as Rita gave chase, leaping over another pile of books and sending them sprawling.

"_Why does everything have to be hot with you?_"

.  
>0o0o0o0<br>.

"Rita... Can I have your bed?"

"W-what? That's my bed! Get your own!"

"Aww, be nice! I'm an Old Man. I need my own comfy mattress every once in a while, too, ya know."

"Well...Whatever. I don't care. I'm busy, anyway..."

"...You're no fun."

"Excuse me? What exactly is _that_ supposed to mean?"

"Well, it's kind of cold tonight..."

"There's a fire. Right there. Behind you. Now shut up about being cold."

"But darlin', you're not understanding what I'm trying to say!"

"Then stop talking in riddles!"

"The sheets are too thin, and... this is a two person bed."

"...So?"

"...I'm the only one sleeping in it."

"Yeah, you are."

"Hey!"

"What? What do you want other then to bother me?"

"A bed-warmer! I... wanna bed-warmer!"

"...Old Man, there's a fire. Right. _There._"

"But–"

"Agh! Do you ever shut up? Leave me alone, would you?"

"This bed is too big for just one person!"

"Then go talk to Judith and stop interrupting me! It's as simple as that! Jeez..."

"Rita..."

"What."

"Will you sleep with me? I'm cold."

_Crack._

"T-that was my _jawaaaahhhh oww okay stop stop stop–_"

"You're so dead. I'm going to kill you!"

"Ahaha noooo... Kiss it and make it better?"

_Crack._

"...You're going to be single forever, ya know... just a warning of what's in store..."

"Who cares? It's better than missing teeth."

"What? Agh! It fell out!"

"...Those molars are coming out next."


End file.
